LOST AT HOME

(The Elder  son )

 It is easy to identify oneself with the younger son.  His ‘lostness’ is obvious.  He misused his money, his time, his friends, and his own body. He was swept away by lust and greed. He rebelled against morality. There is something clear-cut about his misbehavior. Not only his family and friends, but he himself knew what he did was wrong.  It leads him to misery. He comes to his senses and returns back and asks for forgiveness.

What is harder to understand and identify with, is the ’lostness’ of the elder son. He did all things right. He is obedient, chaste, dutiful, law-abiding, and hardworking. People respect him, praise him, and consider him as a model son. Exteriorly he is faultless.

We may have much more in common with the elder son than the younger. We have lived a dutiful and obedient life.  From a young age perhaps we wanted to be a priest and a religious. We were born in a Catholic family. We were baptized, confirmed, and ordained perhaps in the same Church. We have been obedient to parents, teachers, superiors, bishops, and to God. We have not run away from home. We have not spent money on sensual pleasures nor lost in drunkenness. We have been responsible, traditional, and presbytery-bound, saying daily our prayers and helping the poor and the sick.

But we can be as much lost as the younger son. Lost at home. The younger son returned to the house and celebrated with the father instead the elder son got close to the house but did not enter. He can hear the music and the dance but he refuses to enter! He goes in the direction of the servants’ quarters to find out what is happening in his house! The servants exaggerate perhaps to win him over to their side. In one sentence they give five pieces of information; ‘his brother is back’, ‘he is well’, ‘father is very happy’, ‘the fattened calf is killed’, and ‘the celebration has started’. With each piece of information, he becomes more and more ‘angry’. He would have tolerated it perhaps if his brother had come back sick and famished or perhaps if father had closed the door on him. At any rate, he did not see any reason for killing the fattened calf and calling for a party!

The father comes out not only in search of the younger son but also in search of the elder son. In contrast to the father’s pleading the elder son answers him back with bitter and hurtful words. All the poison, bitterness, and anger he has been storing in his heart all these years comes out.  He accuses the father that he has not given him anything.  Despite perfect obedience and years of slavery, the father has never given him ‘even a young goat’! He could tolerate that, but how could the father be so happy with one who wasted his property and had a good time in loose living! How could he kill for him the ‘fattened calf’? He could at least waited for him, consult him, before starting the party!

Like the elder son, we have been working in the field for the master,  twelve hours a day, for forty, fifty, sixty years! But instead of joyfully working and enjoying being at home, our work perhaps has become a ‘slavery’. Like the labourers who worked twelve hours in the field, we turn out to be grumblers at the generosity of the master. Instead of gratitude for the privilege we have received we become resentful, jealous, bitter of our brothers and sisters who have taken so much liberty and are so warmly welcomed back. We are ‘angry’ more at our father than with our brother.

We boycott. We refuse to enter the house. We find out what is going on in our house from our servants and shopkeepers. We no longer hide our dissatisfaction and feel sorry for being  good all these years. We have never been given our due. We secretly wish we should have been in our brother’s place. Why work hard, why be good, why obey if it is not noticed, if one is not rewarded? Others had a good time and their father is happy with them. They are treated even better.  Why did we not come at the 12th hour? Why all this struggle? Where is justice? “These worked only one hour and you have made them equal to us”! “All these years I have slaved for you and never disobeyed you and you have never given me even a young goat”!

The obedient, dutiful, chaste, hardworking life of the elder son has become a burden that oppresses him. He accuses, and condemns the wayward immoral life of others, and yet he now feels sorry he did not do as they did. When confronted with the master's generosity to the lastcomers, those who worked twelve hours in the sun become bitter. Seeing the joy of the father at the return of the younger son, a volcano erupts in the elder son.  And the angry resentful, bitter, selfish, proud person that has been hiding in him comes to the surface.

There is much resentment among the ‘just’. There is judgment, condemnation, and prejudice among the ‘saints’. There is much ‘frozen anger’ among those most concerned with ’avoiding sin’. Which does more harm, the lust of the younger son or the resentment of the elder son?

The words with which the elder son attacks the father come from a heart that feels it never received what was due. It is a subtle complaint that says, ‘I tried so hard, worked so long, did so much,  still I have not received what others get so easily. Why don’t people thank me, reward me, invite me, consult me, wait for me? Do I belong here?’

This unspoken complaint, murmur, and lament of the elder brother is in me. I cannot be happy with the good fortune of my brother. I am more angry with my father than with my brother. I no longer have a brother. I squarely put the blame on my father for what my brother has done and where he has been to. 

There are as many elder brothers and sisters who are lost while still at home.  There are many elder sons living at home but never know what a home is, or who a father is. Did the father manage to persuade the elder son? Did the elder brother go into his house and meet his brother? Did he join in the celebration? Why did Jesus not give a happy conclusion to this parable? Is it out of charity to the elder son?

It should be a serious and disturbing thought for all the elder sons that Jesus has not given a happy conclusion to the parable! After all the ‘good life’ and ‘good works’ it would be unfortunate if we were still in the servant’s quarters and not celebrating with the father!

It is better to wander far from home and return to discover what a home is and who a father is than to stay at home and never know your home or your father.

-        Fr TVGeorge sdb