Three Phases of Life
The younger son, the elder son and the Father
Henri
J.M.Nouven, in his book ‘The Return of the Prodigal Son’ says that the three
characters of the parable, the younger
son, the elder son and the father can be compared to the three phases of spiritual journey that most
religious and priests make. A close look at the parable as well as an honest
assessment of the various phases of our life will reveal the truth of that statement.
The
younger son
It is easy to
be identified with the younger brother. He rebelled against authority. He went
to a far-away country. The other side looked greener so he moved on. He had enough
money. Even to hire a vehicle for his journey. He had many friends. He had all
the freedom he wanted. He had no botheration for his father or brother or
anyone in the family. He moved on, going where he wanted, when he wanted and as
he wanted.
Our life-style
especially when we were younger perhaps closely resemble that of the younger
son. We had perhaps long years of activity - teaching, preaching, ministry,
formation of candidates, involvement in many groups and movements, meeting with
people of all types, travelling far and wide. There are others who may have
taken many risks, tried out many things. Some may have rebelled against
authority. Others have not bothered about one’s family or community. We wanted to
do our own thing, our own way. Eat when we wanted and what we wanted. Meet
those whom we wanted and pray if we wanted and the way we wanted. We had little
respect for time table or discipline.
At this
stage we looked for freedom and independence. I know of a young bursar who is also a driver.
On a regular basis, soon after breakfast he would take the vehicle and go out.
He is the bursar and he has the vehicle and the money. Seldom permission was
sought from the superior. No one knew where he was going, whom he was meeting. Being bursar of the house, he presumed he had the right to do what he was
doing. He came back late evening, took early dinner and went to bed. He wanted to
live his life as he wanted, totally independent, wanting to do his way. Once he
remarked that at home there was only trouble and grumbling and the same people that one met.
Some call
this phase of life as the expansion
stage or the experiencing stage. Others call it as the growing or the gathering stage. At this stage we grow
physically and mentally, we expand our social circles. We want to make a name for ourselves, establish a status, get a Ph D, find a
job, begin a family, buy a car, build a house.
For some this first phase of life is also the gathering stage. They gather many things - vehicle, computer, laptop, phone, furniture.
I know of a young Vice-Principal who has three offices - one in the School,
another in the Boarding and a third one in the Residence, all the three
well equipped with computers, home theatres and latest sound systems. He
is at the gathering stage.
It is easy to
identify oneself especially when we were in our twenties and thirties with the younger son, who went to the far away country
because the other side looked greener and
he so move on. He had enough money, he could travel the way he wanted, he had freedom, there was no one to check on
him. Not once he thought of his father or brother or his family. At the end of it all, now perhaps we may find
ourselves lost, tired and wanting to
return home.
The elder brother
What is more
difficult to identify with is the elder brother. Perhaps in our forties and
early fifties we may have been closer to the elder son than the younger. We
have not run away from home, nor rebelled against authority. We have obeyed our
parents, teachers and superiors. We have not wasted money on too much pleasures
of life, and we have not been drunkards. We have been mostly responsible, traditional,
homebound, dutiful, obedient, chaste and poor. We are almost ready to be a
candidate for canonization! With all
this goodness we can be as much lost as the younger brother.
Once a friend
and a Priest close to me, shared with me his pain with tears in his eyes, “ See
so many years I have been a Principal,
and did so much to bring up the standard
of the school. I have done so much for the congregation as a silent worker. Now I am growing older and retired, no one
notices me, no one wants me. I am shunted out. See who is being rewarded? Who is climbing up the ladder? The one against
whom even news papers published negative remarks. He is the darling of the superiors. Why did I
do all this? I should have been also like him! “
We perfectly
understand the pain of this elder brother. He worked so hard. He never
disobeyed, he never wandered. After all that, see who is dancing at home now? I
am so often the elder brother, lost like
the elder son, jealous at others good fortune, angry,
touchy, heavy, self -righteous, complaining, full of resentment. Though at home, he is lost as much as the younger
brother. Though working hard in the farm, he has never tasted the joy of being
at home. Grumbling at generosity of the master to others. Instead of being
grateful he is resentful, jealous of his
younger brother who had a good time and is
welcomed back .
This is the
stage when we demand recognition for something done and if we don’t get it, we
are angry and upset. We try to get attention by talking about our problems,
trying to make an impression through possession, knowledge, good looks, status,
physical strength, angry reactions, feeling offended, making oneself right and
others wrong, wanting to be seen and appear important. We criticize, accuse
condemn, find fault. We don’t do and don’t allow others also to do. Angry with our
superiors, for being good to the wandering, sinful ones.
There are as
many elder brothers as there are younger ones who as they reach the age of forties and fifties and early sixties with
folded hands stand by and judge, condemn , accuse, criticize. They often don’t see anything good in the
younger brothers nor any goodness in the father. Basically it is a case of not being happy with
oneself.
For some the
expanding stage continues to the second stage. One may not be gathering too many things but we
are jealous and accuse others of
gathering too many things, the very thing we are guilty of or at least we were
guilty of in our earlier days.
:The Father
This parable
is the Story of the Father. The central character of the story is the father.
Jesus told this parable to bring out the character of the father.
The father
looks out and sees the son from far. He has compassion on his son, not anger.
He runs to meet him. The old man running through the streets may have been a
comical sight. The heart of God is revealed in the running father. He runs
until his arms are on the shoulders of his son. He embraces, he kisses, he cuts short his confession. He gives him a ring and sandals. He gives him not any robe
but the best robe, he kills not any calf
but the fattened calf. There is no question of where, what, how many times? He just gives and
forgives.
The father comes
out also for the elder son. He pleads, he
invites. All he receives in return for his goodness is abuse and accusation.
The elder son accuses the father of never giving him anything. He knows the
number of years he has been slogging. He accuses his brother of going with harlots. He
is more upset with father than with his
brother. He blames the father for the waywardness of the son. Each accusation is like a dagger piercing the
heart of the father. Yet he does not argue or debate, he does not justify or
ask for proofs. He does not raise his
voice in defense of justice and truth. There is no greater falsehood than to
suppose he has never disobeyed him. There is no greater injustice than to say that
the father has never given him anything. Yet this Father does not raise his
voice and fight for justice and truth. He listens silently, he suffers alone, he
accepts the blame, he takes the blame on himself. He dies many a death. He wants
right, truth to prevail. . What is right for him is forgiveness, compassion and
love.
Our Vocation to be the Father
Whether we
are the younger sons or the elder sons,
we are called to become the Father. We
have been looking for friends all our life,
craving for attention,
appreciation, affirmation,
looking for freedom, independence and crazy for a thousand of things. Time has
come to claim our true vocation, to be
the father who can welcome his sons without asking questions,
without wanting anything in return.
It is much easier
to see oneself as the spendthrift younger son or the resentful elder son but to
see ourself in the bearded old man who has
lost all, wants to give all, overwhelms
us. We are called to be the Father than the younger or elder
son. Claim you spiritual fatherhood, taste
the joy of laying hands in a gesture of forgiveness and a blessing, a father who wants only to welcome the prodigal
children home . - Fr T.V. George sdb
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