Betraying with a smile

“ Someone who has dipped his hand into the dish  with me will betray me” Mt.26:19

 I have been a Priest for over forty years. Today for the first time I found myself pausing, hesitating before I dipped the sacred host into the chalice before communion. It was something that I did casually and routinely all these years. But today I was disturbed by the words of Jesus in the Gospel, “Someone who has dipped his hand into the dish with me will betray me”

In the forty years I have been a priest. I believe, I have mostly been homebound, presbytery bound, obeyed orders, worked hard, not wandered too far, and stayed mostly close to the house, close to the altar. I have not been a rebel, or squandered the property of my institute. Jesus’ words disturb me because he says someone close to him, who eats bread with him, and dips hands into the dish with him, will betray him.

‘Am I the one?’

 During our long journey of life, we come across so many people. The great majority we don’t bother, like those we meet in the market. There are others who come across our path for a while like those of our village or parish. But there are few who are close to us, with whom we spend time, we party with, with whom we share our joys and sorrows. They know us well. We know them too. We share with them our aspirations and problems and even secrets. If one of these dear to us betrays us we feel it terribly. The closer we are to a person the more the hurt.

I remember some time back a friend of mine was so angry and upset with me because I had not contacted him for some time. He had a rough time the last few years.  I did not bother to find out how he was or where he was. He was angry because he thought I left him alone during his painful moments. The closer we are the greater the expectation, the more the pain of betrayal.

Christ must have been very close to Judas. Judas was the guardian of the finances of the group. Such a job needs a lot of trust and confidence. Perhaps Mathew was better qualified for the job, yet Judas got the job. He had a privileged place at the Last Supper. Jesus and Judas were close to each other, sharing bread and the dish together. Jesus felt so pained that Judas could share a meal  with such a straight face and a cynical smile. Judas was a good actor.  When he went out of the room, others thought he had gone out to do some urgent task. Since Christ and Judas shared a special friendship no one bothered even to find out why he had gone out.  

In the house of Lazarus at Bethany Judas would ask, “Why wasn’t this ointment sold for three hundred denarii” He was a good businessman, good at buying, counting, calculating. He knew the price of things, not its value. Soon he would sell Jesus just for thirty pieces of silver. Jesus tried to invite Judas to be like Mary of Bethany who gave lavishly, totally, without counting the cost.  Jesus felt so hurt that he could not bring Judas around.

   It is not that those far from us don’t betray or speak against us. They do. But we are not much bothered. But those close to us, when they do, we feel it. It is those close to the altar, close to the master, professed to imitate and love him,  who hurt him most.

The friends of the king, hurt him much when they did not come for the marriage of his son. The words of the elder son hurt the father more because he was with him and should have known him better. Where there is love only, there can be hurts. Christ loved Judas. So he felt hurt. A friend who shared the same meal, and celebrated the same party, could in the same night, turn to be a betrayer! Peter too, turned out to be a betrayer. While Peter denied on the spur of the moment to save his skin, Judas’ action was premeditated and schemed.  He even looked to gain something out of it.

‘What will you give me?’ How we continue to look for some gain from the position, the trust, and the job we are entrusted with? For a few coins, for more power, we continue to betray. Money corrupts, betrays, and kills. And finally, it will turn on us and claim us too.

-        Fr T.V. George sdb